Life in West Virginia

A little over a week ago I got a phone call from an old boss offering me a job. Two days after that I was driving to Charleston, West Virginia on my way to work construction on a hotel. You can call me adventurous or stupid and you would probably be right either way. I left with no idea of what type of work or compensation to expect, only that I was going to get my own free hotel room for as long as I stayed. That sold me. I mean a free continental breakfast, HBO, and two beds to pick from every night is kind of a sweet deal.

After only five days in West Virginia I have already racked up some good stories and had some comical encounters with the West Virginia stereotypes. Rednecks are plentiful, the gay population is thriving, incest is socially acceptable, alcoholism isn't a negative, and obesity is beautiful. For example, I've heard the 'Git 'r done' phrase constantly, been hit-on by a clinically retarded gay man, and met a guy who proudly explained how he took his "good lookin' cousin" to a Bruce Springsteen concert at the Hampton Coliseum in 1985. Oh, and Rite-Aid pharmacies sell hard liquor. It's just another type of medicine 'round these parts.

This morning was quite an interesting experience. I decided that it would be fun to go to church in a new city and ended up at a place called the Unity of Semkah Valley. As I walked in to the church I knew I was in for something special. The pastor ran over to me and introduced himself as the Reverend Rain Steingold. He was a thin middle-aged man with a huge grin on his face, and I could tell he was from the Jim Jones school of leadership. I probably should have left at this point, but I had never been to a cult meeting before! Plus, I couldn't resist sticking around to hear my new friend, Rain, preach.

From the back of the Unity of Semkah Valley bulletin:
Unity's basic teachings:
1. God is good and everywhere present. (Sure, I agree with that.)

2. The spirit of God lives within each person; therefore all people are inherently good. (Hmmm, I guess I don't really need Jesus to forgive me for anything then, eh?)

3. We create our experiences through our way of thinking (Does anyone really need to be taught that?)

4. There is power in affirmative prayer, which we believe increases our connection to God. (Sure, but not without a connection with the Holy Spirit which comes through the acceptance of Jesus Christ. Holy crap, am I a fundamentalist? Watch out Pat Robertson!)

5. Knowledge of these spiritual principles is not enough. We must live them. (OK. Awesome. Which spiritual principles?)

Like most churches, the Unity of Semkah Valley service started off with praise and worship. The only difference was instead of singing something written by Chris Tomlin, we sang 'Love Will Keep Us Alive' from The Eagles 1994 release, Hell Freezes Over. After the sweet acoustic rock session, the Reverend Rain introduced me to the congregation and everyone waved and smiled and said hello. It was all very unifying and I felt very happy to be singing The Eagles with these nice people. I waved back, tipped my brow, and said hello while kind of doing an awkward half-sitting half-standing type of thing.

I wanted to request 'Hotel California' for communion time, but apparently Unity churches do not believe in the sacraments. Rain did not end up preaching, but instead let the congregation give testimonies as to why they love the Unity church more than any other church they have ever attended. About 10 people spoke and they were all very sincere and smiled a lot. Oddly enough, a common theme was their excitement about Obama being president. One man said that he hadn't put a picture of a president up in his house since Kennedy, but he planned on putting an Obama picture up soon. Everyone clapped and smiled. I was hoping after the service they would give me a new name like Shadow or Thunder, but I think that's a part of the membership process.

The Unity church definitely saves the best for last. At the end of the service the whole congregation stood in a massive circle and created a human chain by holding hands. I felt very uncomfortable with this because an elderly lady made weird eye contact with me and then walked over to hold my hand. I really dislike holding hands with strangers, but I didn't want to be a weak-link in the human unity chain, so I just went with it. Once the circle was situated, the congregation recited the 'Unity Prayer', which luckily for me was written on one of the walls in the church. They thought I knew every word.

The Charleston Plaza Hotel, Floor 9, Room 14 is where I will be for a while. Enjoying HBO, eating bagles every morning, and switching beds every night.