Observations on the modern day construction man...

Alright, let me preface this post by saying that I am still working in Charleston, WV. My life as a traveling contractor is more interesting than ever, and funny stuff keeps happening every day.

The past 5 years have proved that I am usually the oddball on the jobsite. I mean, I just don't fit the typical mold of the modern day construction worker. It's not a 'better than' thing, it's just a 'different than' (thank God) thing. The following are some observations that I have made over my 5 years in the business.

1) Bob Vila is a myth. I have never met anyone like Bob Vila in this business, however I meet Larry the Cable Guy's every day.

2) If you are a girl, DO NOT come within a half-mile radius of any construction site anywhere ever! This is a rule that you do not under any circumstance want to violate. I have heard things that would even make Billy Bob Thornton grimace.

3) The 'plumbers crack' is a real phenomenon but is not limited to plumbers. Carpenters typically show just as much crack but have somehow flown under the radar.

4) Work is totally optional. There is no need to call in to your boss if you are sick because there is absolutely no consequence for missing work!

5) If you pay for a tattoo you are a sucker. You either get one in prison or you know a guy that "does that sh*t for free, man" in your living room.

6) Chili's is fine dining.

7) I should have payed attention in Spanish class because I would know what those Mexicans are really saying about me. Si?

8) A customer should add at least 2 months to any project completion date given by a contractor. Excuses for exceeding the project completion date will vary from day-to-day but a standard one is "They delivered the wrong size. It's going to take anywhere from 1-60 days for it to come in." This actually means the contractor forgot to order it.

9) Standard life expectancy is around 45. Daily consumption of Hardee's Thickburgers, copious amounts of drugs and alcohol, and grueling manual labor form the recipe for early retirement, just not the good kind.

10) Never trust the new guy. He either just got out of prison or he got fired from another crew. Both of these circumustances mean that he has done something absolutely horrendous.