Alright, so if you haven't heard it yet, here is Imogen Heap's new album in all of it's stream-able glory. Enjoy it!
Monday, August 17, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Personality Profile
I took a personality profile test a few months ago and found out that I am an ENTJ. If you have no idea what I'm talking about then go here: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp to take the Jung Typology Test.
Here are some words that describe my personality type:
decisive, fearless, planner, thrill seeker, engaged, social, self centered, comfortable around others, image conscious, likes to be center of attention, adventurous, outgoing, manipulative, emotionally stable, leader, ambitious, hard working, dominant, prepared, hates to be bored, confident, opinionated, analytical, prepares for worst case scenarios, organized, orderly, clean, driven, resourceful, finishes most things they start, achieving, risk taker, desires fame/acclaim, image focused, narcissistic, arrogant, perfectionist, driven, academic, scientific, critical, avoids giving in to others, does not like to compromise, skeptical
Here are some words that describe my personality type:
decisive, fearless, planner, thrill seeker, engaged, social, self centered, comfortable around others, image conscious, likes to be center of attention, adventurous, outgoing, manipulative, emotionally stable, leader, ambitious, hard working, dominant, prepared, hates to be bored, confident, opinionated, analytical, prepares for worst case scenarios, organized, orderly, clean, driven, resourceful, finishes most things they start, achieving, risk taker, desires fame/acclaim, image focused, narcissistic, arrogant, perfectionist, driven, academic, scientific, critical, avoids giving in to others, does not like to compromise, skeptical
Monday, June 22, 2009
The List
If you have ever stepped foot into a church you may have noticed one of us. We serve you the sacraments, pass you the offering basket, and escort your feeble grandparents. We know where all of the bathrooms are, and we have counted you every time you've sat in one of our lavishly padded seats. We are the smiling faces that help your family of six find seats when you show up to service thirty minutes late. We are, as our lapels say, USHER.
Historically, I'm not much of the volunteer type. I like the satisfaction of helping people, but 'volunteering' has always sounded like something grandmas did to get out of the house when grandpa started getting on their nerves. It has always been scary to me too; kind of like a slow death. I knew this guy named John that started volunteering when we were in high school. He got so into it that he never came back. He's living in a third world country now. I get the shivers every time I think about it.
I think I figured the whole volunteering system out. There is a master list of names and phone numbers that all of the heads of volunteer organizations use. It's called The List. If you have ever volunteered for anything, you are probably on The List. The only way to stay off this list is to never volunteer for anything, ever. Once you are on The List you will be called upon to volunteer for things you didn't even know existed. No task is too gross, intensely boring, or labor intensive to ask a volunteer on The List to perform. Anything goes. Becoming a name on The List has been a huge reason that I have always refrained from volunteer work.
Even though I figured out The List and and had a deeply rooted apprehension for volunteering, I recently felt the need to make an effort. I mean, my volunteer resume is abysmal. It consists of bagging groceries at a food bank twice when I was 13, and even that was for extra credit. Pretty bad. I kept thinking that if Mother Teresa was still alive, and I met her, she would probably call me out. The thought of getting scolded by Mother Teresa is probably the worst thing that could happen to a person, and it gave me the final push to get out of my comfort zone and consider volunteering.
About 7 months ago I did what was once unthinkable. I volunteered at my church and willingly became a part of the system that I feared for so long. Astoundingly, I have not died, been asked to clean up feces, or been shipped off to a third world country; at least not yet. The experience has actually been pretty liberating and I've met some interesting people during my stint as an usher. It may even be the first baby step toward more volunteer work in the future. Time will tell, but for now I am happy to report that I have conquered my fear. Mother Teresa would be proud.
Historically, I'm not much of the volunteer type. I like the satisfaction of helping people, but 'volunteering' has always sounded like something grandmas did to get out of the house when grandpa started getting on their nerves. It has always been scary to me too; kind of like a slow death. I knew this guy named John that started volunteering when we were in high school. He got so into it that he never came back. He's living in a third world country now. I get the shivers every time I think about it.
I think I figured the whole volunteering system out. There is a master list of names and phone numbers that all of the heads of volunteer organizations use. It's called The List. If you have ever volunteered for anything, you are probably on The List. The only way to stay off this list is to never volunteer for anything, ever. Once you are on The List you will be called upon to volunteer for things you didn't even know existed. No task is too gross, intensely boring, or labor intensive to ask a volunteer on The List to perform. Anything goes. Becoming a name on The List has been a huge reason that I have always refrained from volunteer work.
Even though I figured out The List and and had a deeply rooted apprehension for volunteering, I recently felt the need to make an effort. I mean, my volunteer resume is abysmal. It consists of bagging groceries at a food bank twice when I was 13, and even that was for extra credit. Pretty bad. I kept thinking that if Mother Teresa was still alive, and I met her, she would probably call me out. The thought of getting scolded by Mother Teresa is probably the worst thing that could happen to a person, and it gave me the final push to get out of my comfort zone and consider volunteering.
About 7 months ago I did what was once unthinkable. I volunteered at my church and willingly became a part of the system that I feared for so long. Astoundingly, I have not died, been asked to clean up feces, or been shipped off to a third world country; at least not yet. The experience has actually been pretty liberating and I've met some interesting people during my stint as an usher. It may even be the first baby step toward more volunteer work in the future. Time will tell, but for now I am happy to report that I have conquered my fear. Mother Teresa would be proud.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Gym Culture
There isn't much in the world that makes me happier than seeing a fat guy on a treadmill. Senior citizens wearing headbands and wristbands comes in a close second for me, but I am really partial to seeing the fat guy sweating off the pounds. I workout at the YMCA, and during my workout today I was thinking about "universal gym culture" if there is such a thing. You know, the kind of stuff you'd see at just about any gym. So here are a few that I came up with:
1. The person that fills up their whole water bottle at the water-fountain. This person doesn't care about the massive line of dehydrated people that has formed behind them because they are on a mission to fill up their 60oz Nalgene.
2. The lady with the eating disorder. I have seen this girl at every gym I have ever been to. She looks like a skeleton and smells like cigarette smoke, but she somehow musters the energy for a two-hour Precor session.
3. The military guy. His shorts are always too short and he usually has the arm-band iPod holder. This guy keeps to himself and can always be seen doing pull-ups and squats.
4. The fat lady that just walks around the gym. This person thinks that just by being at the gym or standing next to a treadmill she will be redeemed for the Ho-Ho's she ate on the drive over.
5. The personal trainer. This guy is usually about 30 years-old with massive muscles. After this guy graduates from college with a degree in Physical Fitness he realizes that he has no viable career prospects and no control over his life. In a state of depression he decides that he will make an hourly wage by bringing pain and misery to anyone misfortunate enough to hire his services.
1. The person that fills up their whole water bottle at the water-fountain. This person doesn't care about the massive line of dehydrated people that has formed behind them because they are on a mission to fill up their 60oz Nalgene.
2. The lady with the eating disorder. I have seen this girl at every gym I have ever been to. She looks like a skeleton and smells like cigarette smoke, but she somehow musters the energy for a two-hour Precor session.
3. The military guy. His shorts are always too short and he usually has the arm-band iPod holder. This guy keeps to himself and can always be seen doing pull-ups and squats.
4. The fat lady that just walks around the gym. This person thinks that just by being at the gym or standing next to a treadmill she will be redeemed for the Ho-Ho's she ate on the drive over.
5. The personal trainer. This guy is usually about 30 years-old with massive muscles. After this guy graduates from college with a degree in Physical Fitness he realizes that he has no viable career prospects and no control over his life. In a state of depression he decides that he will make an hourly wage by bringing pain and misery to anyone misfortunate enough to hire his services.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Ohio Stuff
I had never seen a Burrito this 'grande' before. It was like the Jolly Green Giant took a massive Mexican dump on my plate and handed me a side of sour cream and guac. It was so big I actually groaned about its size, because deep down I knew that the chef was challenging me to eat it all. This was my experience at The Cheesecake Factory last night.
-------
Bringing your mom to visit schools can be fun. It can also be awkward. My mom thinks that I am the single greatest human to ever walk the earth (after Jesus of course) and she believes everyone else should know it too. While the Dean of Admissions at UD was giving us a tour of the law school my mom attempted to leverage some basketball tickets. She said, "This isn't the only school he has been accepted to, but if you give us some tickets it might help your chances!" Thanks mom.
-------
I decided last night that Glenn Beck on the radio is much better than Glenn Beck on TV. TV Beck is like a hormonally imbalanced woman. One minute he's threatening your life and the next he's crying because he loves you so much. Radio Beck is just pure politi-centric entertainment. I mean it takes skillz to seamlessly transition from a segment on Islamic Jihad into an infomercial for GoToMyPC.com.
-------
Bringing your mom to visit schools can be fun. It can also be awkward. My mom thinks that I am the single greatest human to ever walk the earth (after Jesus of course) and she believes everyone else should know it too. While the Dean of Admissions at UD was giving us a tour of the law school my mom attempted to leverage some basketball tickets. She said, "This isn't the only school he has been accepted to, but if you give us some tickets it might help your chances!" Thanks mom.
-------
I decided last night that Glenn Beck on the radio is much better than Glenn Beck on TV. TV Beck is like a hormonally imbalanced woman. One minute he's threatening your life and the next he's crying because he loves you so much. Radio Beck is just pure politi-centric entertainment. I mean it takes skillz to seamlessly transition from a segment on Islamic Jihad into an infomercial for GoToMyPC.com.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Observations on the modern day construction man...
Alright, let me preface this post by saying that I am still working in Charleston, WV. My life as a traveling contractor is more interesting than ever, and funny stuff keeps happening every day.The past 5 years have proved that I am usually the oddball on the jobsite. I mean, I just don't fit the typical mold of the modern day construction worker. It's not a 'better than' thing, it's just a 'different than' (thank God) thing. The following are some observations that I have made over my 5 years in the business.
1) Bob Vila is a myth. I have never met anyone like Bob Vila in this business, however I meet Larry the Cable Guy's every day.
2) If you are a girl, DO NOT come within a half-mile radius of any construction site anywhere ever! This is a rule that you do not under any circumstance want to violate. I have heard things that would even make Billy Bob Thornton grimace.
3) The 'plumbers crack' is a real phenomenon but is not limited to plumbers. Carpenters typically show just as much crack but have somehow flown under the radar.
4) Work is totally optional. There is no need to call in to your boss if you are sick because there is absolutely no consequence for missing work!
5) If you pay for a tattoo you are a sucker. You either get one in prison or you know a guy that "does that sh*t for free, man" in your living room.
6) Chili's is fine dining.
7) I should have payed attention in Spanish class because I would know what those Mexicans are really saying about me. Si?
8) A customer should add at least 2 months to any project completion date given by a contractor. Excuses for exceeding the project completion date will vary from day-to-day but a standard one is "They delivered the wrong size. It's going to take anywhere from 1-60 days for it to come in." This actually means the contractor forgot to order it.
9) Standard life expectancy is around 45. Daily consumption of Hardee's Thickburgers, copious amounts of drugs and alcohol, and grueling manual labor form the recipe for early retirement, just not the good kind.
10) Never trust the new guy. He either just got out of prison or he got fired from another crew. Both of these circumustances mean that he has done something absolutely horrendous.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Life in West Virginia
A little over a week ago I got a phone call from an old boss offering me a job. Two days after that I was driving to Charleston, West Virginia on my way to work construction on a hotel. You can call me adventurous or stupid and you would probably be right either way. I left with no idea of what type of work or compensation to expect, only that I was going to get my own free hotel room for as long as I stayed. That sold me. I mean a free continental breakfast, HBO, and two beds to pick from every night is kind of a sweet deal.
After only five days in West Virginia I have already racked up some good stories and had some comical encounters with the West Virginia stereotypes. Rednecks are plentiful, the gay population is thriving, incest is socially acceptable, alcoholism isn't a negative, and obesity is beautiful. For example, I've heard the 'Git 'r done' phrase constantly, been hit-on by a clinically retarded gay man, and met a guy who proudly explained how he took his "good lookin' cousin" to a Bruce Springsteen concert at the Hampton Coliseum in 1985. Oh, and Rite-Aid pharmacies sell hard liquor. It's just another type of medicine 'round these parts.
This morning was quite an interesting experience. I decided that it would be fun to go to church in a new city and ended up at a place called the Unity of Semkah Valley. As I walked in to the church I knew I was in for something special. The pastor ran over to me and introduced himself as the Reverend Rain Steingold. He was a thin middle-aged man with a huge grin on his face, and I could tell he was from the Jim Jones school of leadership. I probably should have left at this point, but I had never been to a cult meeting before! Plus, I couldn't resist sticking around to hear my new friend, Rain, preach.
From the back of the Unity of Semkah Valley bulletin:
Unity's basic teachings:
1. God is good and everywhere present. (Sure, I agree with that.)
2. The spirit of God lives within each person; therefore all people are inherently good. (Hmmm, I guess I don't really need Jesus to forgive me for anything then, eh?)
3. We create our experiences through our way of thinking (Does anyone really need to be taught that?)
4. There is power in affirmative prayer, which we believe increases our connection to God. (Sure, but not without a connection with the Holy Spirit which comes through the acceptance of Jesus Christ. Holy crap, am I a fundamentalist? Watch out Pat Robertson!)
5. Knowledge of these spiritual principles is not enough. We must live them. (OK. Awesome. Which spiritual principles?)
Like most churches, the Unity of Semkah Valley service started off with praise and worship. The only difference was instead of singing something written by Chris Tomlin, we sang 'Love Will Keep Us Alive' from The Eagles 1994 release, Hell Freezes Over. After the sweet acoustic rock session, the Reverend Rain introduced me to the congregation and everyone waved and smiled and said hello. It was all very unifying and I felt very happy to be singing The Eagles with these nice people. I waved back, tipped my brow, and said hello while kind of doing an awkward half-sitting half-standing type of thing.
I wanted to request 'Hotel California' for communion time, but apparently Unity churches do not believe in the sacraments. Rain did not end up preaching, but instead let the congregation give testimonies as to why they love the Unity church more than any other church they have ever attended. About 10 people spoke and they were all very sincere and smiled a lot. Oddly enough, a common theme was their excitement about Obama being president. One man said that he hadn't put a picture of a president up in his house since Kennedy, but he planned on putting an Obama picture up soon. Everyone clapped and smiled. I was hoping after the service they would give me a new name like Shadow or Thunder, but I think that's a part of the membership process.
The Unity church definitely saves the best for last. At the end of the service the whole congregation stood in a massive circle and created a human chain by holding hands. I felt very uncomfortable with this because an elderly lady made weird eye contact with me and then walked over to hold my hand. I really dislike holding hands with strangers, but I didn't want to be a weak-link in the human unity chain, so I just went with it. Once the circle was situated, the congregation recited the 'Unity Prayer', which luckily for me was written on one of the walls in the church. They thought I knew every word.
The Charleston Plaza Hotel, Floor 9, Room 14 is where I will be for a while. Enjoying HBO, eating bagles every morning, and switching beds every night.
After only five days in West Virginia I have already racked up some good stories and had some comical encounters with the West Virginia stereotypes. Rednecks are plentiful, the gay population is thriving, incest is socially acceptable, alcoholism isn't a negative, and obesity is beautiful. For example, I've heard the 'Git 'r done' phrase constantly, been hit-on by a clinically retarded gay man, and met a guy who proudly explained how he took his "good lookin' cousin" to a Bruce Springsteen concert at the Hampton Coliseum in 1985. Oh, and Rite-Aid pharmacies sell hard liquor. It's just another type of medicine 'round these parts.
This morning was quite an interesting experience. I decided that it would be fun to go to church in a new city and ended up at a place called the Unity of Semkah Valley. As I walked in to the church I knew I was in for something special. The pastor ran over to me and introduced himself as the Reverend Rain Steingold. He was a thin middle-aged man with a huge grin on his face, and I could tell he was from the Jim Jones school of leadership. I probably should have left at this point, but I had never been to a cult meeting before! Plus, I couldn't resist sticking around to hear my new friend, Rain, preach.
From the back of the Unity of Semkah Valley bulletin:
Unity's basic teachings:
1. God is good and everywhere present. (Sure, I agree with that.)
2. The spirit of God lives within each person; therefore all people are inherently good. (Hmmm, I guess I don't really need Jesus to forgive me for anything then, eh?)
3. We create our experiences through our way of thinking (Does anyone really need to be taught that?)
4. There is power in affirmative prayer, which we believe increases our connection to God. (Sure, but not without a connection with the Holy Spirit which comes through the acceptance of Jesus Christ. Holy crap, am I a fundamentalist? Watch out Pat Robertson!)
5. Knowledge of these spiritual principles is not enough. We must live them. (OK. Awesome. Which spiritual principles?)
Like most churches, the Unity of Semkah Valley service started off with praise and worship. The only difference was instead of singing something written by Chris Tomlin, we sang 'Love Will Keep Us Alive' from The Eagles 1994 release, Hell Freezes Over. After the sweet acoustic rock session, the Reverend Rain introduced me to the congregation and everyone waved and smiled and said hello. It was all very unifying and I felt very happy to be singing The Eagles with these nice people. I waved back, tipped my brow, and said hello while kind of doing an awkward half-sitting half-standing type of thing.
I wanted to request 'Hotel California' for communion time, but apparently Unity churches do not believe in the sacraments. Rain did not end up preaching, but instead let the congregation give testimonies as to why they love the Unity church more than any other church they have ever attended. About 10 people spoke and they were all very sincere and smiled a lot. Oddly enough, a common theme was their excitement about Obama being president. One man said that he hadn't put a picture of a president up in his house since Kennedy, but he planned on putting an Obama picture up soon. Everyone clapped and smiled. I was hoping after the service they would give me a new name like Shadow or Thunder, but I think that's a part of the membership process.
The Unity church definitely saves the best for last. At the end of the service the whole congregation stood in a massive circle and created a human chain by holding hands. I felt very uncomfortable with this because an elderly lady made weird eye contact with me and then walked over to hold my hand. I really dislike holding hands with strangers, but I didn't want to be a weak-link in the human unity chain, so I just went with it. Once the circle was situated, the congregation recited the 'Unity Prayer', which luckily for me was written on one of the walls in the church. They thought I knew every word.
The Charleston Plaza Hotel, Floor 9, Room 14 is where I will be for a while. Enjoying HBO, eating bagles every morning, and switching beds every night.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
